In Which Harry is Sorted
by Olivia-Starr
Summary: Conversations between the Sorting Hat and Harry.
1. The Unsortable

Harry Potter walked towards the Sorting Hat, faking being nervous. It wouldn't do for all of these students to see what he really was like. Not yet, at least.

He turned around briefly before sitting on the three legged stool, placing the ratty hat on his head.

 _Oh, hello Harry Potter. Or should I say, Horcrux? You seem to be aware of your predicament, yet you seem to have accepted it- perhaps even embraced it. You have enough cunning to give even Dumbledore a run for his money, yet you don't let anyone see it. Brave, when it comes down to it, but only if you're desperate. When you make a friend, you keep them close, but it's extremely hard for someone to gain your trust. You do everything you can to learn, but only for the sake of power. As the muggle saying goes, "Knowledge is power." You seem to have taken that to heart. What do to with you, Harry the Horcrux? Where to put you? Not Hufflepuff, no. It takes too long for you to gain trust. You may be brave at times, but you choose the rational answer instead of irrationally charging into the fray, so to speak. Slytherin might suit you, but I have been requested by someone - whom I shall not name - to not put you there. Ravenclaw might be the best for you. But once again, you believe knowledge is power. Why are you such a conundrum? Why do you fit into all Houses? Should you not go to your father's House, where he learned the traits of being a hero? Or should you, perhaps, follow your mother into Ravenclaw, where she learned the art of subtlety? Could you, perhaps, just be Harry No-House? Or even Harry the Ravensltherpuffindor? No. I cannot Sort you. Not without help. Would you, perhaps, prefer one House over the other?_

Harry paused, choosing his thoughts carefully.

 _I don't want the students to know what I am. I do not want Dumbledore to a see how clever I am, nor how rational. Friends I can do without, and books are only a means to an end. I fit in none and all Houses. I can see myself in anyone of them. Even Hufflepuff. Choose what you will, Hat. I care not where I go. If I may ask, though. Who would want to keep me out of Slytherin?_

The Hat paused. Harry thought he might not answer, but then he heard,

 _I see you know of your predicament, once again._ And _to who asked me to keep you out, he shall be named later- perhaps. I cannot think of any compromise that might Sort you ccorrectly. Take me off, and I shall Sort you later. I shall dwell on this conversation, and I advise you to as well. That way, we might yet find you a House._

Harry dutifully took off the Sorting Hat, ignoring the shocked looks he was on the receiving end of. He turned towards the teacher's table, preparing his words carefully once again.

"It appears as though I cannot be Sorted at the moment. I have been requested to don the Hat at a later date to be put into the correct House. As of now, I am in no House."

The Hall stood silent, as none of the students knew how to react. The Sorting Hat had never failed before. Why should now be any different? Why was Harry Potter Unsortable?


	2. The Conundrum

Harry sat down on the chair that Professor McGonagall transfigured, pulling himself closer to the small table she had also created. It was the furthest away from the Slytherin table, on the end next to the Teacher's table. The Gryffindors were being uncommonly quiet. Harry had observed from his Horcrux memories that they were usually laughing, yelling, and generally making a ruckus at this moment in the year.

All that could be heard was the muted clink of silverware on dishes.

Harry looked towards the Teacher's table- more specifically, at Dumbledore. He appeared deep in thought, his eyebrows wrinkling the only outward sign of his discomfort.

Harry knew that he was probably considering that last hour.

After the Hat had asked Harry to remove him, the Hat had declared that Harry should put him back on at the end of the week, to see if anything had changed. This was to be repeated until a permanent House could be found for him.

Harry's only stipulation was that he didn't know what classes he would be taking.

Professor Flitwick had rushed to assure him that the two would talk later about classes, and for now he was to sit back and eat.

Harry wasn't hungry, and anyways, there was no food at his plate. It appeared that the House-Elves weren't aware of the presence of the new, albeit small, table.

This suited his purposes, though. His Horcrux, for whatever reason, seemed to be able to sustain him for extended amounts of time. It's why he was so scrawny. He didn't waste time on eating, and although him being a Horcrux helped somehow, a human body does require food.

' _The Professors know nothing of my conversation with the Sorting Hat. I'm the only one to ever have not been Sorted, which will present a new problem for Dumbledore. That'll make the old man happy, and eventually frustrated, when he finds he won't be able to figure me out. I'm an odd boy. Perhaps I can just go under the radar for now...'_

And it was Houseless that Harry found himself sleeping in an abandoned classroom, until he could be Sorted properly. It seemed as though Dumbledore had decided that the next time Harry put on the Hat, he would be Sorted immediately.

Professor McGonagall tried to make the classroom more cozy for him by adding curtains around his bed, to give a semblance of privacy. Harry was glad for this. He had a feeling that he'd be in here for a while.

* * *

' _You again! Has it been a week already? My, my. Time flies so quickly when you're an immortal Hat.'_

 _'You're immortal?' Harry thought aloud. The Hat could only read the thoughts Harry allowed it to._

 _'Well, not really immortal, it's just that I won't die unless if I'm burned by Phoenix Phyre- a potion that only a Potions Master could even think about starting to research. But that's not the point. I probably shouldn't have told you that. I trust you won't share this information?'_

 _Harry mentally nodded, and odd sensation._

 _'Good. Now on to this pesky Sorting business. I see you're still keeping secrets. Care to share a few? No? Well we have time enough. Not much has changed in a week, I see. No new friends to influence your decision? No secret - besides the ones you won't tell me, obviously - heritage that might help decide for me? I could be getting too old for this job...'_

 _Harry mentally snickered, wondering what this whole ordeal looked liked from the outside._

 _'You are old. Ever since the Founders, yeah?'_

 _'Ah! So you have abundant knowledge...'_

 _'We've already established that.' Harry grumbled. The Hat didn't need to sound so surprised._

 _'Yes, yes... But you don't find knowledge for the sake of knowledge. Power is what you seek. I would have Sorted you into that House, - that of Power through knowledge of others weaknesses - if not for my orders. I don't usually take orders from anyone, but this person is an exception to everything. Ah. You're trying to see who this person is. Well, if you just said what House you would prefer, we wouldn't be having this conversation. But I think we've had enough of these thoughts, for this day at least. Do you want to help me create next year's Sorting Song?'_

 _Harry paused. Well, he didn't have anything else to do._

* * *

 **I thought I might explain what this book is. It's me being bored, and having an odd idea. What if Harry _couldn't_ be sorted? What if he knew what he was, and had learned how to cope before Dumbledore even remembered him? What if the Sorting Hat was bored with the years of not being worn? These were the thoughts that went through my head as I type this. This book is a blurb, which I will be updating when ideas come. Thankfully for everyone, this idea is flowing nicely in my head. So thanks for any support- it's much appreciated! :)**


	3. The Big Man

_'Back so soon?'_

 _'You know, Hat, it's been a week and a day. Technically, I'm not back 'so soon'- I am, in fact, late.'_

 _'A compelling argument, as usual. Might could go into Ravenclaw, but please. Call me Floppy. An almost-all knowing being does have to have a name.'_

 _'...Floppy it is then. What questions are you going to ask me today?'_

 _'Uhhh, well I've been doing some research,' - Harry chose not to ask_ how _the old hat had been doing research - ' and I've found some questions that might help out.'_

 _'Go for it, I'm all ears today. I have until lunch- in three hours.'_

 _'Wonderful! Let's begin. You find a dog injured and on the side of the road. What do you do?'_

 _'Am I allowed to ask questions to find the answer to yours?'_

 _'Yes. Begin, I say!'_

 _'Alright, don't get your hat in a twist... Hmm. Did the dog have any fatal diseases?'_

 _'No. It was a perfectly healthy dog before a car ran over him.'_

 _'Ah, yes. The healthy but run-over dog.' Harry's sarcasm wasn't usually appreciated, so it was to his delight when Floppy laughed inside his head. A queer feeling, yes, but Harry could get over it._

 _'Well, I guess I might walk over- wait. You said fatal?'_

 _'That is correct.'_

 _'Well, if there is nothing you can do for the dog, why stop? Why risk catching pathogens?'_

 _'That's... Not what I expected you to say. Okay, new one. Your mother- wait. Uh, different question.'_

 _Harry nearly laughed at Floppy's awkwardness, but he quickly sobered up hen he realized what was almost said._

 _'Alright, so your cousin, Balin, decided to play a cruel but funny prank on your other cousin. What do you do?'_

 _'Do I like this other cousin?'_

 _'Yes, but you don't particularly like Balin.'_

 _'Well, I take care of my allies. I'd warn the cousin I like and turn Balin's prank on him.'_

 _There was a pause._

 _'Why do you keep answering these wrong? How am I supposed to Sort you if you keep changing tactics? First, you ignore a beaten-'_

 _'Beaten? You didn't say beaten.'_

 _'- dog one the side of the road, but then you protect a cousin you barely know-'_

 _'Wait, you said I liked him.'_

 _'- and turn Balin's prank on him! You're too unpredictable!'_

 _'... But aren't those the signs of Slytherin?'_

 _Another pause._

 _'Well, yes. But I can't put you there. Big Man himself told me not to.'_

 _'So 'Big Man' is the person stopping you from Sorting me correctly?'_

 _It seemed as though these pauses were becoming more pregnant each time they occurred. Harry was pleased, though. Floppy had accidentally given up information, and now Harry knew something more about the man who had stopped him from being Sorted. He could begin properly planning now._

 _'I'm done talking. Take me off and be on your way.'_

 _'As you wish.'_

 **A new, albeit short, chapter! Floppy, eh? Also, any guesses as to who the Big Man is? Also, I don't know if y'all got this, but the Harry in this book should have been put into Slytherin. The only reason he hasn't been Sorted, is because someone told the Hat not to.**

 **-He isn't in Ravenclaw because to him, knowledge's only use is for gaining power. He might be put in there, though, because when he does start researching something, he's basically unstoppable. Why do you think he knows what he is? More on that, maybe, in later chapters.**

 **-He isn't in Hufflepuff because it takes him too long to make a friend, and because he just doesn't care enough to even try. Also, he might be put in there because when he** ** _does_** **make a friend, he's more loyal than a wolf is to his pack.**

 **-He's not in Gryffindor because he prefers to think before acting, which isn't really a trait of this House. He could be put in it, though, because when he's decided on something, he follows through with reckless abandon.**

 **Thoughts? Corrections? Anybody want to be my Beta?**

 **~ AgressiveShipper**


	4. Short Blurb-- Goth

_'...But if the goat is a moth, then it's a goth.'_

 _Harry didn't say anything. The Hat was clearly going insane. There was no way to fix that, and so Harry had long ago resolved to just let it talk._

 _'That's... Special.'_

 _'We probably should get back to Sorting you, but I have another joke.' Harry refrained from groaning._

 _'Okay, so. Three women died and went to heaven...'_


	5. The Development

_'I'm really starting to wonder if there is no possible choice. You're just too impassive, apathetic, unwilling to co-operate, -'_

 _'Yes I get.' Harry thought to the Hat._

 _After the night that Harry had tried to sleep through, he wan't too happy. The headaches were getting worse, and he didn't have the time to pursue answers. Most of the children had finally stopped worshipping, though, and for that Harry was grateful. It didn't sit well with him when a random stranger not only greeted him by name, but acted as if her were the answer to life._

 _He wasn't, and he would appreciate it if Wizards would finally find some common sense and leave him alone._

 _'I see you're more irritable than usual today. Something bothering you?' The Hat sounded surprisingly compassionate._

 _'No, not really. I've just been getting headaches, is all.'_

 _Harry got the disctint feeling that Hat knew something he didn't._


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry! Not a chapter. I was looking through this and I keep seeing all these mistakes. Well, I'm here to say that this book doesn't actually have an end. I basically only made this as a sort of crack fic, and I have no plans to finish it. HOWEVER. Since I figure some of you may get mad at me if I don't, I'll write a summary.

Harry, basically after two months or so of continually visiting the Hat, finds out that the Hat could have Sorted him months ago, but Dumbledore specifically forbade the Hat from putting Harry into Slytherin (fearing another Tom Riddle).

Some backstory on Dumbledore: In this fic, he's a manipulative old coot, as that's what I though of him as when I first started this. He put Harry with the Dursleys in order to break Harry's spirit, but it just made him find his memories. Dumbledore is not aware that Harry knows he's a Horcrux, but he does know that Harry is one. Thus, he used his Headmaster-ish powers to forbid the Hat from putting Harry in Slytherin.

Right! Now, about Harry.

After we find out (along with Harry as he makes the discovery) that Dumbledore said for him not to go into Slytherin, Harry is Sorted into Slytherin. The Hat somehow overrode the Headmaster's powers (idk how, you figure it out) and that's where Harry ends up.

Then the book continues. We begin to see flashes of Harry's background, and how he found out what he was. We see that it was the Dursleys that beat him to the point of hitting his head, and because of the blunt force trauma, the Horcrux becomes sentient. We know this is possible because when the real Harry goes Horcrux Hunting with Ron and Hermione, the Horcrux is able to manipulate emotions- making us believe it is aware enough to play with emotions. We begin to see that Harry at first fought the Horcrux (as is in the real Harry's nature), but eventually succumbed when the pain in his head became too much.

From there, we begin to see into Harry's present life. It kind of skips most, leaving a lot to the imagination, but basically Harry become Prince of Slytherin or whatever and has everyone loving him or under his thumb.

Dumbledore at this point is distraught.

Although he's Sorted, Harry requests to see the Hat again and again until McGonagall eventually let's him without Dumbledore's permission.

Harry figures out the power behind the Hat, and how it can see into children's minds. Harry becomes a master at the art of Occlumency, and in his seventh year (Voldemort does not come back- Harry is the main Horcrux at this point, and Tom Riddle is putting all he can into taking over Harry's mind), Harry successfully rids his mind of the Horcrux.

And then we have Normal Harry back (he had gotten quite dark), and all is well. Harry becomes Headmaster.

And then, fifty years after his first year as headmaster, Harry let's his guard down.

The Horcrux had not actually been gone, just suppressed, and the Horcrux takes over Harry.

Tom Riddle is Headmaster.

And then the book ends.

Again, sorry about not finishing it. I hope this will suffice. If anyone wants to adopt it or something, message me :)


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